More from Mahler: If I were king, NBC would be too

You can blame my buddy Gray for this one.

Ever since the debut of Jay Leno’s new show on NBC, Gray and I have been text-debating heavily about NBC’s past, present and future (I’m strongly against Leno’s show, both because I hate it taking up five hours of potentially creative programming and because I think Leno is one of the top five most not-funny people on television).

Some great points were raised and made by both of us, but Gray finally did it. He pushed me over the edge and basically dared me to present a fully thought-out plan about what I would do if I were running NBC (hey, I couldn’t do any worse than what’s going on now!).

I took the bait and at first freaked out because when I think of NBC, I think of a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but the more I looked into it, the easier it got — my vision actually fell together pretty quickly.

The problem isn’t that NBC has bad shows, the problem is that it has somewhat decent shows in bad time slots. Currently, nothing works together or effectively against the competition. That’s what NBC used to be so good at but has gotten away from. Frantic decisions to wade into the dirty waters of Reality TV and selling its soul to Leno have sent the network spiraling into a frenzied, unorganized mess.

This is just one man’s opinion, but here’s what NBC’s 2009 fall schedule would look like if I were king.

NIGHT-BY-NIGHT BREAKDOWN:

* MONDAY: The Biggest Loser (8 p.m.), Mercy (10 p.m.)

REASONING: Create kind of a “girls night” to go up against Monday Night Football

* TUESDAY: NEW Kristen Wiig Variety Show (8 p.m.), NEW Multicamera Sitcom (8:30 p.m.), Law & Order: SVU (9 p.m.), Trauma (10 p.m.)

REASONING: I’ve been clamoring for a Kristen Wiig (Carol Burnett-type) variety show for years now. Bring back a multicamera sitcom (a good one. Not According to Jim or Two and a Half Men, but take some time and develop a solid, high-concept comedy that would go along with the Wiig studio audience vibe and cap the evening with a nice pairing of Law & Order and Trauma.

* WEDNESDAY: Heroes (8 p.m.), NEW Western Drama (9 p.m.), NEW Time Period Drama (10 p.m.)

REASONING: Fantasy night! Have Heroes lead off the night at 8, then bring back a rugged Western with a love story at 9, and then find another gritty, more mature, time period piece (like Mad Men or Rome) for the 10 p.m. slot. From a marketing and creative standpoint, this is my favorite night of the week.

* THURSDAY: The Office (8 p.m.), Community (8:30 p.m.), 30 Rock (9 p.m.), Parks & Recreation (9:30 p.m.), NEW Crime Drama (10 p.m.)

REASONING: It’s a great night of single-camera comedies that finally work together. It would be too easy to market the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler comedy hour. Then, establish a new creative crime drama that could potentially branch out CSI style.

* FRIDAY: Bravo Rebroadcast of America’s Top Model (8 p.m.), Bravo Rebroadcast of Top Chef (9 p.m.), Dateline (10 p.m.)

REASONING: It’s tough to sell new programming on Friday nights, and NBC is a media partner with Bravo, so why not help out both networks by rebroadcasting its top shows of the week to get a little more buzz? Only helping yourself all the way around. I’m sure there is a TON of legal stuff that would keep this from ever happening, but this is my one think-outside-the-box idea.

* SATURDAY: Saturday Night at the Movies (8 p.m.), Encore presentation of buzz-worthy drama (10 p.m.)

REASONING: Bid high on movie rights (probably wouldn’t even have to for films produced by Universal (they’re corporate relatives) and bring back a Saturday Night at the Movies feel, especially for families. Then rebroadcast your best drama of the week. Oh, Bradley Cooper from The Hangover was on Trauma and you missed it? Well, here you go.

* SUNDAY: Sunday Night Football

REASONING: Football. Enough said.

There. I created only five new shows and pulled some strings for the Bravo shows. Everything else was already there — and it’s not that bad, if managed properly.

My opinion is that this new lineup is not only cutting edge but also has a vision and a purpose and flows cohesively.

I know it will never happen, but I guess it’s just nice to know that it could.

You’re welcome, NBC.

What are your thoughts? How would you try to save NBC’s sinking ship if given the chance? Feel free to comment below!

Josh Mahler is a Denver-based columnist with a humorous and _________ (insert: “skewed,” “neurotic,” “insecure,” etc. — probably “neurotic,” right? Or is that not even politically correct anymore? He’s not sure) perspective. Read more of his work at JustBeingJosh.com.